Last Word Live Blogs The Oscars 2018
And here we go. The Red Carpet is awash with heels, and – hey – not just black dresses. Not that we won’t be hearing about #MeToo and Time’s Up as the evening progresses. What started out as a hard to call year has shaken down to a remarkably predictable evening for the most part. At least five of the biggies are already in the bag, aren’t they? Oldman? Check. McDormand? Check. Del Toro? Check. Janney? Check. Rockwell? Check.
But the big wild card still remains the big prize. Best Picture is strangely wide open. We’ve called it for Three Billboards, but who knows? Do the new recently added Academy voters mean this young crowd want to make themselves heard by picking the racially charged Get Out? Similarly, does the emphasis on women in film see the brilliant Lady Bird get its just rewards? Or does this whole preferential ballot thing mean that The Shape of Water might actually creep in there. (Yes, we know it has led the nominations, numbers-wise, but we’ve never thought it was going to win, although Guillermo is definitely going home a happy man.) All of this will be revealed – along with, we hope, one or two surprises. And, rumour has it, that the Academy are going balls out and having Warren and Faye back to hand out Best Picture again. Like a “Take 2” kinda deal. Wouldn’t it be amazing if they got the wrong envelope again this year? Oh, we can dream!
Right now, however, the big questions remain – what will Jimmy Kimmel have to say? Did anyone talk to Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet? What will the big opening be? We’re presuming it won’t involves hundreds of dancing girls…
90 Years In The Making – and it starts with a piece of faux newsreel. Although it does call those present “Godless Hollywood elitists.” And mentions the “most calamitous finale in Oscars history.” And heeeerrrreeeee’s Jimmy!
Kimmel starts his monologue by leading with envelope-gate – “The accountants went ahead and did comedy on their own.” Oscar “keeps his hands where you can see them” and “no penis at all.” And Harvey gets named and shamed.
And then Jimmy gets all serious and #MeToo-y, ceilings have been shattered and so on. “If you’re a nominee today who isn’t making history – shame on you.” Wahlberg and Williams also get named – “If we can’t trust agents…”
Hi to “the kid from Comedy Central – Jordan Peele.” Trump gets his first mention. Fleeting.
Timothy Chalamet is young and "is missing Paw Patrlo to be here to night."
Christopher Plummer and a nice Hamilton joke.
Doing things differently apparently – first Oscar ceremony lasted 15 minutes. Tonight, the shortest speech maker wins a jet ski – modelled by Helen Mirren “not included.”
And so - after that rather underwhelming opening all round - time for the first award which is best Supporting Actor. Here’s Viola Davis to introduce the nominees. And, as expected, the first Oscar of the night goes to the brilliant Sam Rockwell. Is this the beginning of Three Billboards’ big night?
To his fellow nominees – “You guys rock!” We can appreciate that. Thanks everyone “who’s ever looked at a billboard!” Ends with “This is for my old buddy Phil Hoffman.” Nice.
Good “Get Out” gag for any long speeches. Gal Gadot and Armie Hammer are up next to hand out the Make-Up and Hairstyling gong. And, as expected, the winner is Gary's fat suit – Darkest Hour.
Eve Marie Saint is still with us – and with us. (Standing O for the still-standing OAP.) The former winner, who is “older than the Academy”, calls Hitchcock “Fred”, and is here to hand the Best Costume Design award to Phantom Threat.
Best Doc next – and it’s Greta Gerwig and Laura Dern to hand it over. (Love Greta – but she has to stop gushing. Especially after last night’s Spirits.) And the winner is dope-tastic Icarus. (We’re 100% on our calls so far – how long can it last??)
Taraji P Henson is here to intro double nominee Mary J Blige, here to deliver the first of tonight’s nommed songs, Mighty River from Mudbound.
Brilliant 90 Years Of Cinema montage – well done those editors! Then Jimmy reads the first ever Oscar joke from all those years ago – “Christopher Plummer is tonight’s youngest Nominee. Still holds up.”
Sound Mixing and Editing are up next. We’re expecting both of these to go hand in hand to Dunkirk (likely its only wins of the night.) Will Ansel Elgort and Eva Gonzalez present the Oscars that way? That certainly do for Editing…and then they do again for Mixing.
Lupita Nyong’O and Kumail Nanjiani show up – with Kumail revealing his real name is Chris Pine. They’re here to hand out Production Design – which goes to (not unexpectedly) The Shape Of Water. “Thank you so much for getting this for me” – seems a tad mercenary.
Then a lovely rendition of the lovely Remember Me from Coco, delicately performed by Gael Garcia Bernal, before turning into a far less effective major production number. Oh well, Greatest Showman is winning anyway.
Worried that no one is sacrificing speechifying for that jet ski – Jimmy throws in a trip to Lake Havasu, before introducing Rita Moreno. (Another OAP – another standing O.) She’s here to say something about the “universal language of film” which means Best Foreign is up. And the Oscar goes to A Fantastic Woman. (And we’re still calling them good.)
Supporting Actress montage heralds Mahershala Ali, here to do the traditional thing – last year’s Best Supporting Actor passes the gold dude to this year’s Best Supporting Actress. And the bleeding obvious continues as Alison Janney leaves Laurie Metcalfe behind and wins for her mad mother in I, Tonya. “I did it all by myself.” Give that woman a jet ski? No, hang on, she has more to say…quite a bit more. Even Joanne Woodward gets a name drop.
The Last Jedi crew – Mark Hamill, Kelly Marie Tran, Oscar Isaac and BB8 - are on hand to hand out the animation awards. Which means Coco and some other one. But first, Hamill kills a “robot discrimination” gag. Does better with the La La Land one. And then, alongside all his other trophies, Kobe Bryant is now an Oscar winner – Best Short for Dear Basketball. And then Coco wins Best Feature. Quite rightly. Mexico gets a big thanks. “Representation matters” apparently.
That Fantastic Woman Daniela Vega is here to introduce the fantastic Sufjan Stevens for Mystery Of Love from Call Me By Your Name. Best song of the night – possibly the best tux of the night. (But he won’t win, sadly.)
Gina Rodriguez and Tom Holland shows up for VFX. Apes! Apes! Apes!...and NOOOO! They got it wrong (sort of.) It’s Blade Runner 2049 – can’t really complain about that one. (Even though it breaks our streak.) Now just make sure they carry this on with Roger Deakins…
Alright, alright, alright – it’s McConaughey to tell us movies are an illusion. Apparently, they’re just still frames projected on a screen to make us think they’re moving. Who knew Matthew, who knew? And onto the Editing award, which Mr McConaughey hands over to Dunkirk. Cool choice – and one that puts Nolan’s film ahead (albeit briefly) as the biggest winner of the night.
Jimmy thanks the “movie going public.” Suck up! Oh no, there’s more – it’s the stunt bit. Jimmy is taking Mark Hamill, Gal Gadot, Emily Blunt, Lin Manuel Miranda, Lupita Nyong’o, Guillermo, Armie Hammer, Ansel Elgort and more across the road to another movie theatre to invade a sneak peak of A Wrinkle In Time to thank the movie going public in person. We’ll see how that goes…They even brought snacks including a six foot sub and hot dog cannons. (Hot dog cannons actually exist??) The crowd goes crazy. Gadot says “this is so much better than the Oscars” – she’s lying! Heavily bearded Mike introduces Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph. (How did they know Mike’s name?? Spontaneous??) Haddish and Rudolph have had to take their shoes off and are here to reassure everyone that’s there’s still plenty of white people still to come. They’re funny though. First they get serious for Documentary Short Subject, which goes to Heaven Is A Traffic Jam On The 405. In keeping with her turn at the nominations announcement, Haddish gets Frank Stiefel’s name wrong. They follow up with Best Live Action Short, which goes to The Silent Child – co-maker Rachel Shenton signs her acceptance speech. (She’s marrying a guy who showed up to the Oscars with a man bun. Big mistake. Huge.)
Dave Chappelle is here to introduce Common, here with Andra Day to sing their little heard song (Stand Up For Something) from the little seen Marshall. Everyone stands up, Spielberg says “Woah!”
What’s happened to Jimmy and the gang? Have they stayed to watch the second half of A Wrinkle In Time
Ashley Judd, Salma Hayek and the long missing Annabella Sciorra are here to plug the Time’s Up agenda. And show a montage of “some of these trailblazers.”
At which point Chadwick Boseman and Margot Robbie show up to accept Best Looking Couple Of The Night. Oh no, they’re here to hand out the Adapted Screenplay awards. And it goes to James Ivory for Call Me By Your Name. Yes, we thought he was dead as well. But no – and he’s now the oldest Oscar winner EVS!! (So he might be dead soon.)
Nicole Kidman replaces Chad and Margot to announce Best Original, which is a much trickier proposition – is this Get Out’s moment? Or Greta’s? Or does it confirm Three Billboards as the frontrunner for Best Picture? Well, it appears that this is indeed Jordan’s moment as Get Out gets in. (Greta jumped up a touch too eagerly to cheer him on.) Who knows where this thing is going now? Can Get Out go all the way? Or have they just given it it’s one and only?
Wes Studi is here (what, still no Jimmy??) to talk about his time in ‘Nam. Odd. Turns out he’s here to show a montage of war movies. Peculiar.
Jimmy’s back. He apologies to all those bravely serving in the armed forces for including Matt Damon in that previous montage.
Sandra Bullock shimmies on to hopefully hand Roger Deakins his first Oscar for Cinematography. Does he win? Does he lose for the 14th time in a row?? And he finally fucking wins!!! Now that’s a standing O well earned.
Zandaya’s here, so it must be The Greatest Showman’s song, This Is Me. Keala Settle well and truly gets her moment in the spotlight. And earns it. (It’s so diverse, they’ve even let someone with pink hair on stage!)
Eddie Vedder keeps getting trailed for his upcoming special tribute performance. No idea who that’s going to be a tribute to..?
Must be time for the Music gongs, surely. Well, Jimmy’s acknowledging the band so - could be.Here’s Chris Walken – who gets an intro clip all to himself. (Timothée Chalamet is obviously a fan.) Walken is here for Best Original Score, and the Oscar goes to Alexandre Desplat for The Shape Of Water. Sorry Hans. Sorry Jonny. But well done Mr Desplat. His mum is also 90 this year. Mentions his wife. And his mother – how’s that for cross generational gratitude.
Emily Blunt and Lin Manuel Miranda – will they plug Poppins? (No) – are here for Song duties. We want Sufjan, but think Showman is all over this one. And…no. It goes to the other “Me” - Remember Me from Coco. Their young daughters are there but “this is not for you” as Robert Lopez dedicates the win to his late mother. Bet those kids are chuffed. (And they must have had to listen to Let It Go soooo many times.)
Jennifer Garner is here to introduce Eddie Vedder who sings Tom Petty’s Room At The Top (oh, that’s who) to go along with the In Memoriam bit.
Two things you can say for this year’s awards so far – it’s moving along at a fair old clip, and not a single memorable thing has happened to date. Dear God, someone open the wrong envelope – just to liven the damn thing up.
Best Director is next and this certainly won’t rock the boat. Here to do the honours and put Guillermo out of his misery (actually he’s probably pretty confident) is last year’s Best Actress Emma Stone – “these four men and Greta Gerwig” – at least she’s trying! And the Oscar goes to – come on, you now already – well done, Guillermo. “I am an immigrant” –makes a great speech. Even quotes Jimmy Cagney.
Time for another whopping good montage – this one is for Best Actor – and Jane Fonda and Helen Mirren team up to hand Gary Oldman his first Oscar. (Fonda relates the set to the orgasmatron from Barbarella.) Gary is delighted and as gracious as he’s been all awards season. “Obviously, I’m not going to win the ski…” Thanks his mum – oldest yet at 99 – “Put the kettle on – I’m bringing Oscar home.” Classy.
With Casey Affleck unavailable for some reason or other, Jodie Foster (on crutches – blames Streep – “She I,Tonya’d me”) and Jennifer Lawrence step into the breach to hand out Best Actress…to Frances McDormand (whose mantel must surely be buckling by now.) The brilliant McDormand “has some things to say” – and boy does she, getting all the female nominees in the room to stand up – “Meryl, if you do it, everyone will follow.” Best speech of the night – about time someone livened this damn thing up. We love her!
And so to the final big one – and amazingly, it’s still feels wide open. Here to present Best Picture - and get it right this time! (Wrong envelope! Wrong envelope! Wrong envelope! Please!!!) - it’s Warren and Faye back to atone for their sins. And the winner of Best Picture is…The Shape Of Water. WTF?? No, they’ve got the wrong envelope again – where’s that guy with the headset? No, it’s true. Oh well, we blame that preferential ballot bollocks. Another good speech from Guillermo though. Greta mouths “I love you” – we all do (just don’t think it’s anywhere near his best film.)
And on that note – that was pretty dull, wasn’t it? See you again next year.
Here’s the complete list of noms with the winners in bold (come back for updates)
“Call Me by Your Name”
Timothée Chalamet, “Call Me by Your Name”
Sally Hawkins, “The Shape of Water”
Meryl Streep, “The Post”
Willem Dafoe, “The Florida Project”
Mary J. Blige, “Mudbound”
Dunkirk, Christopher Nolan
“Get Out,” Jordan Peele
“Lady Bird,” Greta Gerwig
“The Boss Baby,” Tom McGrath, Ramsey Ann Naito
“Dear Basketball,” Glen Keane, Kobe Bryant
“Call Me by Your Name,” James Ivory
“The Big Sick,” Emily V. Gordon & Kumail Nanjiani
“Blade Runner 2049,” Roger Deakins
“Mudbound,” Rachel Morrison
Best Documentary Feature:
“Abacus: Small Enough to Jail,” Steve James, Mark Mitten, Julie Goldman
Best Documentary Short Subject:
“Edith+Eddie,” Laura Checkoway, Thomas Lee Wright
Best Live Action Short Film:
“DeKalb Elementary,” Reed Van Dyk
Best Foreign Language Film:
“A Fantastic Woman” (Chile)
“Baby Driver,” Jonathan Amos, Paul Machliss
“Baby Driver,” Julian Slater
“Baby Driver,” Mary H. Ellis, Julian Slater, Tim Cavagin
“Beauty and the Beast,” Sarah Greenwood; Katie Spencer
“Dunkirk,” Hans Zimmer
“Mighty River” from “Mudbound,” Mary J. Blige
Makeup and Hair:
“Darkest Hour,” Kazuhiro Tsuji, David Malinowski, Lucy Sibbick
“Beauty and the Beast,” Jacqueline Durran
“Blade Runner 2049,” John Nelson, Paul Lambert, Richard R. Hoover, Gerd Nefzer
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