Posted Feb 29 2016
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LastWord Live Blogs The Oscars 2016 - Don't Forget To Hit REFRESH Throughout

So here we go - the 88th Academy Awards - and given the various controversies this couldn't be a better year than to have Chris Rock hosting. So come on Chris, it's yous to lose.

Nice compilation of the year – with a lot of non-nominated films - “That’s not how the Force works!” – and here’s Chris.

White tux jacket – how diverse! “At least 15 black people in that montage…aka White People’s Choice Awards” …even Neil Patrick Harris gets a mention. Straight in there with the issue. “I thought about quitting real hard…and the last thing I need is to lose another job to Kevin Hart.” Points out that #OscarsSoWhite has been there for 77 of the last 88 years – “too busy being raped and lynched to care about who won Best Cinematography…” He’s enjoying himself. Great Jada Pinkett-Smith gag – “I wasn’t invited.” …”It’s also not fair Will was paid 20 million for Wild Wild West.” Great In Memorium gag – he’s going for it! Then on to black Oscar categories – “Best Black Friend.” Brings up the whole is Hollywood racist? thing. “Hollywood is sorority racist!”

Creed is “Black Rocky…Rocky takes place in a world where white athletes are as good as black athletes. So Rocky is a science fiction movie.” Sly laughs.

Moves from race to Paul Giammati, opportunity and “Ask her more.” “What you wearing George?” Epic.

So, for the first time, two breaks with protocol – first, apparently, the “scroll” where the nominees give the names of their thank yous in advance and they run it on the screen. We’ll see how that works.

And secondly, rather that starting traditionally with Best Supporting Actress – the writers are getting the first look in – it’s all about tracking the filmmaking process. So they begin, as movies should, with the script and Emily Blunt and Charlize Theron are on hand to do the honurs for Original Screenplay. And the first winner of the night – is it a presage of things to come? – is Spotlight.

And then Good Guys Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe show up for Adapted Screenplay – and we have a feeling Gosling was in this one. They’re actually funny – talking about their collective previous wins. And the Oscar goes to – as we thought – The Big Short. Read by Ryan. This whole ticker tape thank you thing is deeply impersonal and really not working. But gives McKay a chance to slam Trump.

Rock introduces a VT with Whoopi in Joy, himself stranded on Mars – with Daniels and Wiig, and Tracy Morgan making a far more convincing Danish Girl. The Stacey Dash gag flops – let’s see if Sarah Silverman can save it? Thankfully yes – “James Bond – not a grower. Or a shower.” Sadly, she’s been lumbered with introducing the first Best Song nominee – “through no fault of his own” Sam Smith makes his way through one of the WORST. BOND. SONGS. EVER.  

Kerry Washington and Superman show up to introduce the first of the Best Pic noms – and they’re double tagging it – they give us The Martian and The Big Short.

Next up is Actress in a Supporting Role – don’t see how that follows the filmmaking process? They start with the script and then cast Best Supporting Actresses? Oh well. Last year's Supporting Actor JK Simmons is here to give the man with no genitals to Alicia Vikander – and how well deserved is that! Is anyone reading that ticker tape?? Thanks Tom Hooper and, inevitably, Eddie. She still looks better in a frock than he did!

“And we’re black!” Next up is Costume Design – is this the start of the Mad Max Fury Road takedown? We think so. Cate Blanchett is hand to hand it over – and she hands it to Mad Max. Here’s bag lady Jenny Beavan to start the Fury Road tech sweep. “What another lovely day!” She gets played off by Ride of the Valkyries?? Really??

And what another lovely win – Steve Carell and a brilliantly faux drunk Tina Fey hand over Production Design to Mad Max. We have a feeling we’re going to be in Max’s world for the next few minutes.

Margot Robbie and Jared Leto (complete with merkin gag) are up next for  Make-Up and Hairstying - and once again it's Fury Road. They're going for the sweep (not the biggies, obviously.)

Benicio De Toro and Jennifer Garner are the next two up for the next two and they are The Revenant (who thought the bear in the audience was a good idea?) and Mad Max Fury Road.

Next up is Cinematogrpahy, which will undoubtedly see Roger Deakins go home empty handed once again and Emmanuel Libezki set a record.

Chris is back to introduce some “real” people including Suge Knight. Nice!. Then Rachel McAdams and “should have been nominated” Michael B. Jordan do the honours for Cinematography and yes, Chivo does it for the third year in a row. Well deserved and Wow! First Revenant win of the knight (whoops, sorry Suge. Don’t run us over!)

Are we back to Mad Max land already? Liev Schreiber and Priyaka Chopra are here to present Film Editing and if this goes to Spotlight we could be looking at Best Picture as well…and the winner is…no, it’s Mad Max Fury Road. (Kind of like we predicted.)

Black Oscar Minute looks like it’s going to stay-at-home Will Smith, but no, it’s Jack Black.

The Captain America team are here – Chris Evans and Chadwick Boseman are on stage to bring us some sound – Mixing and Editing. Is it just us, or do we see Max and his mates back on stage here? Yes - to Sound Editing – drops F-bomb with “Fucking Mad Maxers” and Yes to Mixing as well. F bombs optional

The brilliant Andy Serkis gets a short VT designed to announce his performance capture genius. Nice Trump v diversity gag. He’s here for Visual Effects – or, as we’ve been calling it – the Star Wars Award – and, no – first upset of the night - Ex Machina has it. Didn’t see that one coming but no complaints here (even if it just broke our predictions run. Damnit!)

Is it just us or are things going quicker than usual? The theme from Star Trek announces Olivia Munn and Jason Segal to introduce the tech-sci awards that were handed out a couple of weeks back.

C-3PO, R2D2 and BB8 bring the house down to say hello to John Williams on his 50th nom. Were they there to pick up the Effects gong they just lost?

Rock gets girl scouts to sell cookies – it’s not really Ellen and the pizzas though is it?

Then the dreaded Minions arrive to announce Animated Short - which goes to Bear Story (steady, Leo - it's only a cartoon!)

And here are the stars of Pixar to hand Pixar their latest Pixar Oscar. Yes, Woody and Buzz Lightyear give the most deserved award to the brilliant Inside Out. (Wouldn’t it be awful if it went to Shaun the Sheep Movie?) But it doesn’t

Rock next introduces Kevin Hart as “next year’s host” – he comes on to Axel F theme – is that telling us something about an upcoming remake mayhaps? (Please, no.) Anyway, he makes a good serious point about the whole diversity thing this year – then an even better gag about not getting a seat in the front row, despite the whole diversity thing this year. Introduces The Weekend to sing not even the best song from Fifty Shades of Grey, let alone the year.

So who’s here to hand Stallone his award for Actor In a Supporting Role? (See, we’re not even pretending.)

Before that though we have Kate Winslett – sexy glasses look and brave face after her loss – and Reece Witherspoon here to shill Bridge of Spies and Spotlight for Best Pic.

And still keeping us hanging for Sly’s big night – we cut to Chris’s VT interviewing people from Compton on the lack of black nominees. Just shows what movies black people are going to. Bridge of Spies is only “in London or something.” Straight Outta Compton – “Oh hell yeah!” And a shout out for Superfly and By The Sea – both relatively obscure!

Naturally, it’s last year’s winner in Supporting Actress Patricia Arquette here to give Stallone his gong – and she gets Rocky’s name wrong!! And WOW – Stallone doesn’t get it. I’s Rylance. The crowd is shocked. We’re fucking shocked. Nice speech from Rylance though, good performance too. But still – didn’t expect that one.

Louis CK takes away the pain by giving a great speech (next year’s host?) about his favourite category Documentary Short - “This Oscar is going home in a Honda Civic. It’s gonna give them anxiety to keep it in their crappy apartment” – and then awards it to A Girl In The River The Price Of Forgiveness.

Daisy Ridley and Dev Patel team up to hand out Doc feature to – surely Amy? Yes, Amy. Anyone else find it ironic that they played the Amy winners on to Rehab? Just us? (At least her dad didn't show up.)

Rock is back to the girl scout cookie thing – his weakest moment of the night. And the girls have raised $65,243 – and Suge Knight is back. Hope that money goes where it’s supposed to.

 Whoopi Goldberg is here to recount the recent Governor’s Awards – those that went to Gena Rowlands, Spike Lee, and Debbie Reynolds.  There will be clips.

 And then Academy Pres (another black President in America?) Cheryl Boone Isaacs shows up to discuss that whole diversity thing. Hate to say it, but you can bang a nail on the head too many times...

Louis Gossett Jr is here to introduce the In Memorium bit, which features an exquisite Blackbird from David Grohl (unusually understated and tasteful for this ceremony) and gets a cheer for Bowie and a touching final moment from Leonard Nimoy.

Chris – still the bloody girl scouts?? But here come Jacob Tremblay and Abraham Attah to present Live Action Short – because they’re short, gettit? Anyway, it goes to Stutterer and Ireland’s own Ben Cleary who made the whole thing for just £5,000. That one’s lucky if it’s going home in a Honda Civic.

Foreign Language Film is next up and not only has really short clips but goes to Song of Saul – or, as presenter Sofia Vergara pronounced it “Son of Sow-oool”

Joe Biden - WTF?? To the Indiana Jones theme? WTF??? He’s here to ask everyone to take the pledge re: reporting sexual abuse. Oh, and incidentally, introducing his “friend” Gaga. Weird!

Pharrell Williams and Quincy Jones are here for Original Score and though everyone would love it be John Williams – 50 times lucky – it goes to Ennio Morricone. And the maestro gets a standing O for his first competitive win. And gives his speech in Italian – name checks Williams (John, not Pharrell.) And of course QT.

Given that Gaga just stormed it – and given that she had the only decent song of the night (and two of them weren’t even allowed to play) Original Song is so going Gaga’s way. But who’s giving it? Last year’s winners Common and John Legend of course. And yes it's Gag...what? Sam Smith and that piece of shit from Spectre? What are you people thining of, people? Have you no ears?? Disaster!

Sacha Baron Cohen shows up, digging up the corpse of Ali G – who never seemed so subversively relevant. He and Olivia Wilde intro Room and Brooklyn. Only four to go – big ones and well

They may not have nominated him, but here’s JJ to hand out Directing to…for the second year in a row (for only the third time ever)…Alejandro G. Inarritu. Can’t really argue with that. (But does it also mean Best Picture? – we’ll see.)  

Nice speech though – and the man talked down the Valkyries – good on him.
And we’re down to the final three, first of which is Actress in a Leading Role. We still hold a torch for Saoirse, but it’s going Brie’s way. And the about-to-lose Eddie’s here to give it to her – and yes, it’s Brie Larson.

And it's Leo Time! Known in other years as Actor In a Leading Role - all we can say is you better make a good speech mate, you've had years to prepare it! 

Of course it is, and of course it’s well deserved, even is he should’ve won for Wolf of Wall Street a couple of years back. Julianne More hands it over and Leo does not get played off by the Valkyries. Biggest standing O of the night. Gracious speech. Michael Caton-Jones gets a shout out for This Boy’s Life – nice. So does Scorsese. Had to mention the whole bloody climate change thing though, didn’t he? (Procrastinated over the word “procrastinating” – late night irony? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller??) Doesn’t take it for granted though. Good man.

And here it is – Morgan Freeman (somewhere between God and the President) is here to hand out Best Picture and yes (as we predicted) it’s not The Revenant, but the spilt is on – Spotlight won the first award  of the night. And the last. “All the way to the Vatican…Pope Francis, it’s time to protect the children and restore the faith.” Well done.

And a round of applause as Chris Rock finishes with an invite for the audience to the BET awards, a nod to Black Lives Matter and a hearty good night to all.

 

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