Posted Feb 27 2017
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LastWord Live Blogs The Oscars 2017 - Hit REFRESH For Constant Updates

So, here we are again for the 89th time! OK, we haven’t been here for all 89, but neither has Jimmy (“I’m no Chris Rock”) Kimmel – and he’s getting paid to be funny! Shall we see how he does? And shall we see how long it takes for the first Trump joke to raise its orange head?

But first we get Justin Timberlake dancing through the Dolby to his nominated song. And we thought he was Fallon’s man. Naomie Harris appears not to be able to stop the feeling. As does everyone else. Classy start. Then he’s off to medley world and Lovely Day…well he certainly got the room moving. (Bet they’re wishing they voted for him now.)

And heeeeere’s Jimmy, with a “sitting ovation” and a N-Synch gag. “Being watched in 285 countries that hate us…” Mel G is not going to unite us, despite the Scientology…And he’s on to his long standing Matt Damon “feud”…Made “a Chinese pony tail movie” instead of Manchester By The Sea…Says thank you to President Trump “Remember last year when the Oscars seemed racist?”

Lot of sad movies this year and a hand job joke for Moonlight…He’s keeping the politics light and working the crowd…For Isabelle Huppert – “We didn’t see Elle but we absolutely loved it”…Captain Fantastic – “Too often the Academy only honours movies that people have seen…” And so to the overrated Meryl Streep…”Meryl Streep has phoned it in for over 50 films…” – Now here’s the standing O…

And the awards kick off with Best Supporting Actor (Mahershala, get your speech ready) and here to present it is last year’s winner – and did they just call her Olivia Vikander? Anyway, it's Ali, as expected. First Muslim win of the night - it’s OK, Trump said he wouldn’t be watching. And the standing O’s just keep on coming! Thanks his teachers…”It’s not about you, it’s about these characters.” And thankfully they’re not scrolling the “thank yous” on screen like they tried out last year.

First award done and so far it’s all as expected! Will that change? Let’s plow on.

Kimmel asks the real journalist to leave. “This is the fun part of the show where everyone still has hope.” And we’re on to Make Up and Hair in the presumably capable hands of Kate McKinnon and Jason Bateman. McKinnon just doesn’t get make up! Please not Suicide Squad! Oh no! Now, it’s the “Oscar-winning Suicide Squad.” Damn!

McKinnon and Bateman hang around for Costume. McKinnon doesn’t get Costumes either. But this time the Oscar goes to Coleen Atwood and co for Fantastic Beasts (or FBAWTFT - as we called it.) Then they walk off to the Mission Impossible theme for reasons best known to the the show's producers.

Kimmel takes time out to celebrate the real heroes – the Super Heroes. Which leads us to Best Documentary Feature, presented by “algebra’s angels” Taraji P Henson, Octavia Spencer and Janelle Monae (which affords them an extra shout out for Hidden Figures - with the real Katherine Johnson being wheeled on stage.) They're standing again. Follow that whoever is about to win this category! And that turns out to be  the makers of OJ Made In America.

Kimmel makes an OJ joke and introduces Dwayne the Rock who starts to sing You’re Welcome, but is really here to introduce How Far I’ll Go and a new bit from Lin Manuel Miranda. Who rhymes.

Kimmel intros Academy President Cheryl Boone Isaacs to make a speech about being part of a global community that is becoming more “diverse…everyday.” And blah, blah, blah...and she confuses "magic" with "music."

Kimmel aims to upstage Ellen’s pizza delivery by dropping Red Vines and mints from the sky, before introducing Chris Evans and Sofia Boutella to hand out for Sound Editing and Mixing. And editing goes to Arrival...whilst Mixing goes to Hacksaw Ridge – Hooray, this means that Kevin O’Connell wins after 21 nominations, the most unrewarded man in Oscar history – until now that is. And it's fair to say, he's pretty darn chuffed!

Still nothing for La La. Still not that controversial. Let's see how it goes from here. 

Vince Vaughn makes a Sal Mino reference (who knew?) and introduces the previously presented Governor’s Awards, so no one’s that bothered really. Not even with Jackie Chan on the list.

Which brings us to the Viola Davis Award – sorry, Best Supporting Actress. And here to present it to Viola Davis – maybe, who knows? – is last year’s winner Mark Rylance – and yes, he’s wearing the wanky hat! And it’s hers. Kisses Meryl and man in wanky hate hands it over. Another standing O and she delivers a heartfelt and eloquent speech - even if it did unexpectedly invoke the graveyard. “Oh Captain. My Captain”s big D. (Still wish she hadn't called her daughter Genesis. Were all the stupid Hollywood kids names gone? Poor child.)

Kimmel is doing a very good job. Reveals the show has a theme and it’s “Inspiration.” Kimmel names his as David Letterman – but we all knew that. Then it’s Charlize Theron’s turn to sell the wonders of Shirley MacLaine in The Apartment. Then the two of them appear on stage – it’s like magic, man! Are these people ever going to remain in their seats? They're also here for Best Foreign Language Film.

And they’ve gone for the protest vote – The Salesman for the noticeably absent Asghar Farhadi who has sent a statement mentioning the “inhumane law that bans entry of immigrants to the US.” (At least they didn’t stand up this time.)

On walks Dev Patel to introduce Sting and his song.

Boy, this is really breezy this year. And - dare we say it? - a little bit dull so far.

Still, still plenty to come. 

Jimmy has a tour bus gag – “real” people are about to see the stars. But first Hailee Steinfeld and Gael Garcia Bernal are here to hand over two little gold men for Animation. First up is Short which goes – as we said it would - to Piper. So Pixar don’t go home empty handed this year after all. Garcia gets a chance to oppose a certain wall before moving onto Animated Feature. And Zootopia - a film that discusses and embraces tolerance - is the popular win.

Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan show up. What? They’re still letting them in the building after Fifty Shades Shitter? Yes, but only to present Production Design – which lands La La Land its first Oscar of the night. The game is afoot.

The tour bus gag hasn’t even happened yet but already feels tired. Should make for some interesting selfies. Then Denzel saves it...and Kimmel finally makes it work.

To remind us that cinema is a global art, we have a montage of Movies Around The World. Can’t blame them for trying even if it does essentially use foreigners to sing the praises of their favourite American movies.

Felicity Jones and Riz Ahmed show up for Visual Effects. Hang on – isn’t their movie up for this? Hope this isn’t a fix. It isn’t, as The Jungle Book - rightly – wins it.

No film has won more than one so far but that could soon change with Editing impending. Often a precursor of Best Picture, this is pretty crucial. Seth Rogen is on screen to explain how he was inspired by Back To The Future – then he shows up on stage with Michael J. Fox in a DeLorean and “future shoes” to present for Editing – but stops to sing some Hamilton. (Lin Manuel is very happy.) And the first film to win two Oscars tonight is Hacksaw Ridge. No, we didn't see that coing either. The game is not as afoot as we thought.

Salma Hayek and David Oyelowo are here for the shorts i.e. B-list stars on hand for the ones no one is that bothered about unless they made them. Best Doc Short goes to The White Helmets. Live Action Short meanwhile goes to Sing (no, not the cartoon.)

Kimmel is tweeting Trump – who has yet to tweet himself after more than two hours of the broadcast. John Cho and Leslie Mann introduce the previously presented Sci-Tech Awards. We hate to say it but the great Ms. Mann is showing up on every worst dressed list tomorrow.

It’s Cinematography next and La La really has to win here if the big upset is to be avoided. Javier Badem is talking the wonders of Meryl Streep in Bridges of Madison County before the two of them show up to present. And the Oscar goes to La La Land. Linus Sandgren accepts and Damien Chazelle breathes a little easier...though not all is set yet.

The stars come out for a special edition of Mean Tweets - liked the Casey Affleck one.

The stars of  “the movie musical that is loved and begrudged equally by everyone in this room” Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling are here to introduce John Legend singing the two songs from La La. Emma says her song was inspired by one of her “ants.” Don’t remember that bit in the film…

The Oscar voice-over woman is touting the Good Will Hunting 20 year reunion coming up. Does that mean Lonergan has won Original Screenplay..?

Samuel L. Jackson is on hand to do the honours for Best Original Score. Says it should be one that leaves you humming – guess Mica Levi isn’t winning then. She isn't, it's Justin Hurwitz for La La Land - who as we said in our "calls" piece may as well just wait in the wings for the next one, Original Song.

Scarlett Johansson is here to do the honours – and yes, Hurwitz is right back on for City Of Stars. More teachers thanked and a lovely speech all round.

Jennifer Anniston intros an In Memoriam and also mentions the latest in a long sad list - Bill Paxton. Plus, a lovely version of Joni Mitchell's Clouds. Superb.

Three hours in and we’re onto the biggies. Kimmel recalls how Matt Damon inspired him in We Bought A Zoo – inspired. At which point Ben Affleck and "Guest" come out to introduce Best Original Screenplay - with the orchestra (conducted by Jimmy)  playing Damon off. And yes, the Good Will Hunting boys are presenting it to close personal friend "Kenny" Lonergan for Manchester By The Sea. It was expected - but didn't they kind of give it away with the presenters??

Amy Adams is here to hand out Best Adapted Screenplay. Does that mean Arrival has already won? No, it's Moonlight. So where is the evening going now?

Cookies and donuts are now being air-lifted into the theatre. Only four to go…

Halle Berry is here to sort out the wheat from the chaff, or in this instance Best Director before the Actors. Chazelle or Jenkins? And what does that mean for the Big One. It still feels like more of an open game than expected. And the Oscar goes to Damien Chazelle…looking less open now. 32 year old Chazelle is now the youngest Best Director winner ever.

Casey or Denzel? Denzel or Casey? And Brie Larson has decided it's going to the next Batman, Casey Affleck. Was that a smile Casey? Dumbfounded he's included - even remembered to thank Ben this time.

Here's Leo to hand Emma Stone her first Oscar. We told ya! (To be fair, so did everyone else.)

We’ve already had the Will Hunting reunion. Now it’s time for Bonnie & Clyde to re-appear – Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway are here to announce the foregone conclusion – La La Land takes the Best Picture Oscar for 2017. (Like we said it would way back in October – we know, we weren’t the only ones.) Which makes it 7 out of 14...Hang on WTF!!!!!

IT'S MOONLIGHT!! - Warren was handed the wrong envelope??? This is insane! And we were just about to call it the dullest ceremony in recent times. 

In other words - WEIRD AS FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

And we thought Bonnie & Clyde just robbed banks!!

Roll on next year. We think...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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