Posted Jan 02 2017
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Assassin's Creed - This Video Game Movie Does Not Rock

Dir: Justin Kurzel

Starring Mickey Fass, Marion Cotillard, Jeremy irons, Brendan Gleeson, Charlotte Rampling

So this was the one that was supposed to break the computer-game-into-movie curse? It doesn’t. Indeed, for anyone who saw or heard Mickey Fass or Marion out on the publicity trail over the last couple of weeks, this was probably already clear.  Whenever either was asked the obvious “tell us about your movie” question, they replied with talk of there being an “animus.” And an “Apple Of Eden” which holds the “DNA of free will” to the point where both of them seemed as confused (or disinterested?) as everyone else listening.

It may be a case of it makes more sense if you’ve played the game, but this is ultimately a cop out. What director Kurzel and his team should have ensured was a movie with a decent plot that worked for players and novices alike. What he has delivered is a film which looks likely to disappoint both, and isn’t even up to scratch as a basic action movie, mixing some run of the mill set pieces with an awful lot of actors forced to spout platitudes about history and the battle of the Templars and the Assassins to protect the world over the centuries – most of which simply make no sense whatsoever. Cotillard and a typically slimy Irons try to add some occasional gravitas, whilst Mickey Fass clearly gives up by the third act and goes “Fuck it, I’ll just take me shirt off – that’ll distract ‘em.” (Good on you, Irish!)

However, none of it’s enough. The makers of Assassin’s Creed had the time, the money, and certainly the talent to avoid all the pitfalls that computer games-into-movies seem forever destined to fall into. But rather than do that, they appear determined to embrace each and every one of them – and even add a few of their own.

There’s lots of people here jumping off very high buildings. By about midway through, you may be tempted to join them.

 

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Michael Fassbender in Assassin's Creed

 

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