Posted Jan 05 2020

Cats - This Catastrophic Clusterfuck Of A Movie Really Does Not Rock

Dir: Tom Hooper

Starring Judi Dench, Ian McKellan, Jennifer Hudson, James Corden, Idris Elba, Rebel Wilson, Francesca Hayward, Taylor Swift, Ray Winstone

Pawful? Catastrophe? Catastrophic?? All puns aside – it’s not terribly good.

In the interests of full transparency, one of us here at Last Word Slopes (as it’s now known) saw the original National Theatre production and even back then - before it went on to rule the theatrical world – it was (at best) one half decent song in need of a few more tunes and a bunch of weird people dressed as cats. Well, the news is – given the wonder of CGI – the weird shit just got weirder.

And worse. Cats is an unmitigated disaster of a film. When the best thing you can say about a screen musical is Jennifer Hudson doesn’t Mariah-fuck the only tune in town – and she thankfully doesn’t - then you know you’re on a hiding to nothing. There’s bugger all of a plot – until Judi Dench arrives and tries to impose one. Ian KcKellan looks like he’d rather be down the pub he owns (and probably took this to keep that going.) Everyone else looks like they just signed up thinking the CGI’d cat look would cover them – it doesn’t! The whole look is just weird – cats,  boobs, the whole hind leg standing thing – it really is beyond pants. When you sit there struggling to find one good thing to say – you know things have gone astray.

To go back to the puns at the top – and to be more direct – “Catshit.” And please feel free to put that on the poster!

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